A year and three months since my last post. “Have I lost interest in blogging?” The answer is no, or not exactly. The question has been, “What sort of blog do I want to be running?” That, plus some health issues which had me yoyo-ing between anger, frustration and lethargy, and family problems, have occupied me, and now it’s autumn, and the world is beginning to look a little different on several, different counts.
Autumn always makes me perk up. Perhaps it’s the back-to-school vibe (though goodness knows I hated school enough, so why would that be?); perhaps it’s the relative quiet which returns to this small, seaside town in which I am living; or perhaps because it usually heralds a trip to “foreign.” I’d like to be able to say that the dazzling hedonism of sunny days sapped my mojo, but that wouldn’t be true, not this year, nor last. Searing desert winds, calima, and more crowds than ever marked the last two summer seasons, and I muddled through it, cursing that I couldn’t honor my vow to never spend another summer here. A certain amount of sulking on that score took place.
If you’re bothering to read this, you deserve an explanation, but I’m not ready to go there yet, so let me just say that circumstances conspired to make me rethink a lot of “stuff,” and let’s get back to the subject of blogging.
This blog began as a kind of joint email to friends and family, and evolved. My self doubts, my misgivings and my angsting grew with it. Alter egos, one sitting on each shoulder, discussed tediously which way the blog should go. The one needed it to make money. It argued for advertising, to spend time learning about SEO and technical stuff (because, goodness knows, I had the time, didn’t I?), and to spend more precious time on social media (we happy band of procrastinators know where that road leads, don’t we?). Its doppelganger whispered noble thoughts about quality, and it all being about the writing, and hissed about selling out…..a subject always guaranteed to get to me. The thing is that, whilst I love to write, I suck at marketing for myself…..though I will happily sing the praises of others….if I believe in them.
“Go on blogging, just don’t accept trips or invitations to or for anywhere!” said one alter ego.
Well, the way my stats have fallen now that’s not an imminent possibility anyway, but truth is that the few I did accept or seek turned out, without exception, to be great experiences about which I could happily blog truthfully. Do I just have to trust and hope that folk will realize that I have standards? It’s an old chestnut, I know, and one which writers who have spent a lifetime in this game still struggle.
I know that I need to change the blog. I know, more or less, what I need/want to do, even. In fact, as I write the picture is becoming clearer. Perhaps this has been Catch 22, had I continued writing, then my brain might not have fogged up.
The months I spent in 2013 and 2014 traveling around the Canary archipelago were wonderful. I loved every minute up to the last, few weeks. Whilst it proved to me that it’s a good thing in my personal circumstances to have a base….or at least come to a stop for a while.
Yet with hindsight I now wonder if my discomfort in La Palma wasn’t some sort of warning from the universe that things were beginning to happen which I would handle better in a familiar environment. Fanciful notion? Maybe, but as time goes by I believe it more and more……though don’t worry, I am not going to go all “mystical.” It’s been “a rough ride,” but I need to get off the train.
Blog-wise changes are coming. Hopefully they will be for the better, though I am going to begin by going through all of those drafts to see if there are any worthy of posting still! The rest, like other baggage in my life, is getting cleared out…..again!
Right now, it just feels good to be hitting the keys once more.