I am wondering what I am doing here. Is it possible to make money out of this and still be true to myself? I haven’t liked recent posts much. I haven’t written anything I don’t believe in, but it’s not my style, and having struggled for years to accept my style, and consider it valid, I am now wondering what the hell I am doing. Of course, I could forget all about trying to make money and just continue to jabber away to my friends and acquaintances and the odd person who stumbles across my blog, but then that seems like too much of a time suck, not to mention the fact that I do need to generate income.
There is a reason I haven’t upgraded this blog yet, gone for a more complex but interesting format and a domain name, and it’s because I am still experimenting. On the other hand, just when does one stop experimenting I wonder? There are so many blogs out there now that people would take one look, if I don’t get it right, and not return, so it does have to be right first time.
The other thing which gives me pause is the privacy issue. Hot news – privacy, of course. Are my personal opinions of places, books or people private, in the sense, do I really want to pontificate to the world at large on these subjects? On the other hand I have believed since I was in my teens that communication is the most valuable tool we have in understanding the world. I tell you about Tenerife or Guildford or North Carolina, and you tell me about Thailand or Goa or New Zealand. We all learn about each other.
What I do not want this to become is “another Tenerife blog or website”, which I am afraid it has become of late. There are plenty of those around. Most of them are crap, but there are some very good ones, and I have no intention of committing to attending every fiesta or event, most particularly in the ex-pat community, nor of providing “tips for living in Tenerife”. I don’t fancy myself as a journalist. My experience of this island is personal, and it reflects my own interests. But, then, it’s my own fault if I have fallen into that trap I suppose. I was stung into this “things to do in Tenerife which don’t cost a fortune” by some miserable comment I read on TripAdvisor or somewhere from some idiot who commented that they would never come back because there is nothing to do here. What I have begun I will always finish, stubborn that way, so I have 7 to go yet.
Mayhap all these ruminations are because I am, as I am well aware, islandbound for the foreseeable, and despite my best intentions to view life as the journey and not the destination, there are times when I crave change. Thoughts like these often follow a short trip, especially if it’s somewhere new (like last month Guildford) or interesting (like last month London). Having a glimpse at that green grass over the hill, but not for long enough to for the novelty to wear off seems to be the problem.
Then again, asking myself the question “What am I doing here?” begs the answer, “Enjoying myself”. Can my mind actually encompass the notion that it’s possible to make a living of sorts doing something one likes, as opposed to doing something which one has to do in order to survive, and for which one despises oneself? “Isn’t what you are doing actually putting off doing something more imporant, surely?” suggests the gremlin on my shoulder.
And then again, maybe it’s because I am not just getting on with this, letting myself get bogged down in too much detail….speaking of which, time I got on and stopped gibbering.